Personal Case Study from WonderingFist

Discussion in 'Close Quarters Combat' started by Ben, Oct 22, 2012.

  1. Enkidu

    Enkidu Destroyer of your martial arts fantasies

    So I took my 10 month old son to the park today...

    Three knife fights, three dead attackers...

    Basically just another ho-hum run-of-the-mill Friday afternoon for me.
  2. Gone

    Gone Guest

    I finally managed to break my knife-fight virginity a few weeks ago.

    I dunno what happened. First, I was drinking every beer, and banging every woman, then NEKK MINNIT out come a bunch of heavies outa nowhere, all with these sick as bowie knives, wearing combat-style boots and balaclavas. I just unsheathed me KABAR and let ém have it one after the other. It was a fest. I was stabbin' ém left and right, aye. Just tap, tap, tap, one after the other like it was nothing. When the dust settled, I found out that I was still banging a line of crazy hot females that went out the door and up the street a few kms, while drinking every beer known to man, but this time on a mountain of severed body parts and bloody carnage.

    You can't prove me wrong, fags.
  3. Dave76

    Dave76 Deheuol Gwyn Dragon

    Only 10 months old and allready kicking ass, awesome(y)........;)
  4. RJ Clark

    RJ Clark Tree Ninja Staff Member

    Darn it, I had missed these new gems in this treasure trove of a thread until tonight. Well done, well done indeed...
    Enkidu and TheWhiteTiger like this.
  5. Gone

    Gone Guest

    FIGHT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  6. Locutus

    Locutus Your fight is futile, my hands are pounding you!

    Back in the old days when I used to live under a brick in the water cistern I had to walk twenty miles to school in the morning and fifty miles back in the evening there were these gangs which attacked me every two miles. One day I was so pissed because one of the pebbles I had for breakfast was too soft that when the K gang attacked me I decided to do more than brush them off like a fly. These guys thought they were invincible because they wore tin armour and I was going to teach them a lesson. I grabbed my L-Bar knife (which is twenty times sharper than a K-Bar) and peeled that armour off of them like opening a tin of sardines. Then I told all fifty of them that I pity you fools and started snapping my fingers at them. The resulting supersonic shock waves from my finger snaps blew out their eardrums and blood started gushing from their noses in a second. I then told them in sign language (because they were all deaf now) that if they bring me any more soft pebbles I will stomp my feet. They apologised and ran off because they didn't want the ground to swallow them up and I continued walking the hundred miles to school.
  7. SifuPhil

    SifuPhil Lucky Cat Is Lucky

    You had a brick! I should have been so lucky!

    I had to get up every day before yesterday, train 28 hours a day while a thermonuclear device exploded at my feet, eat my own left arm for breakfast, and kill my entire family.

    All before sunrise.
  8. Locutus

    Locutus Your fight is futile, my hands are pounding you!

    You got to eat your own arm? I should be so lucky! I had to feed my arm to the rats so they grew nice and big. Then I cut off their tails to make a whip so I could drive my family around the turnpike to grind stones into flour.
    TheWhiteTiger and SifuPhil like this.
  9. SifuPhil

    SifuPhil Lucky Cat Is Lucky

    You had rats?!? YOU had it EASY! We had obese honey badgers with ADHD - they'd chew our arms and legs for a while, then forget what they were doing, wander off and not return until later.

    I won't even MENTION the fact that they could only communicate with a thick Albanian accent ... :wtf:
    TheWhiteTiger, MattCMMA and Locutus like this.
  10. Locutus

    Locutus Your fight is futile, my hands are pounding you!

    We used to spread our honey badgers on slivers of slate using butterflies for butter. That was our monthly meal. Unfortunately our badgers weren't obese, we weren't that lucky. I don't know about the Albanian accent because we couldn't hear anything over the noise of the turnpike grinding the pebbles into flour. The rats we made soup from. We would put the rats into a pot with water and pebbles and boil them until the stones were soft. Then we would throw the rats away and eat the pebbles. That was our Christmas dinner.
    TheWhiteTiger and SifuPhil like this.
  11. SifuPhil

    SifuPhil Lucky Cat Is Lucky

    Pampered twit!

    We died before we were born, threw bits of butter in the air to simulate butterflies, licked the empty pots for dinner and hung dead rat-balls on a pine needle for Christmas.

    This new generation doesn't know what it's like to have it tough!
    Locutus likes this.
  12. Locutus

    Locutus Your fight is futile, my hands are pounding you!

    You had bits of butter which you threw away and your calling me a pampered twit?!? When I said butterflies we really only had normal black house flies and we painted them yellow and called them butterflies.

    But I do agree with you. This younger generation will never know how tough we had it in the good ol days. yep, we had it tough yes we did hmph Hmmm mmm.
    TheWhiteTiger and SifuPhil like this.
  13. SifuPhil

    SifuPhil Lucky Cat Is Lucky

    Yes, indeed. Harumph, harumph. (y):ROFLMAO:
    Locutus likes this.
  14. RJ Clark

    RJ Clark Tree Ninja Staff Member

    MattCMMA likes this.
  15. MattCMMA

    MattCMMA Master

    This thread has officially gone Epic.
    TheWhiteTiger and Locutus like this.
  16. RJ Clark

    RJ Clark Tree Ninja Staff Member

    Haha! We need to come up with a description that goes beyond epic but still is only one word or compound word. Like galactic or inter-dimensional...
  17. Gone

    Gone Guest

    When you're a real man you can do it with a blunt knife.
    Sherratt and Locutus like this.
  18. Locutus

    Locutus Your fight is futile, my hands are pounding you!

    It was blunt. Even blunt it was still twenty times sharper than a K-Bar. If I were to sharpen it, it would be a hundred times sharper and I used to use it to split water into hydrogen and oxygen. I had to do that because working down in the mines at Coober Pedy I had no other way to breath and get light to see the opals. I wish I knew what happened to that knife. I think it was stolen by Jimmy three fingers. He never used to have three fingers but after my L-Bar went missing so did the rest of Jimmy's fingers.
    SifuPhil and Red Australian like this.
  19. Adam Bendell

    Adam Bendell Student

    I value my thumbs too much >>
    RJ Clark likes this.
  20. Master of Nothing

    Master of Nothing Psychotic Pacifist

    That's because you need to wait at least 45 minutes to kill someone after eating. :LOL:
    Dave76, RJ Clark and SifuPhil like this.

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