SlowFlo Blo-Jo

Discussion in 'Articles' started by SifuPhil, Aug 13, 2012.

  1. SifuPhil

    SifuPhil Lucky Cat Is Lucky

    From the website:
    Oh, where to begin?

    Christian Alternative seems a good place ... see, traditional (meaning REAL) Taijiquan is a product of China, it uses a heathen philosophy to power its movements and it's just ... plain ... not Christian. As a result, a few of the people that took covert Taiji classes liked what they experienced and wanted to "spread the good news", but encountered a brick wall in the form of the Church's prejudices, misinformation and bigotry.

    So one of them - evidently Laura Monica, because SHE studied Chun Kuk Do karate! - instead of coming up with a brand-new style, decided to simply STEAL the movements from traditional Taijiquan and give them alluring new Christian names, much as the Crusaders stole Moorish babies and renamed them.

    Now Chun Kuk Do is a hybrid martial art born way, way back in 1990 and given birth by no less a personage than Chuck Norris - a notoriously Christian man. Since Ms. Monica's teacher deemed it acceptable to create a bastard martial style (consisting of Tang Soo Do, Brazilian Jiujitsu and Taekwondo) she figured she could do the same to Taiji - who the hell would even notice, anyway? Only old farts do Taiji! And who better to understand the complexities and intricacies of an internal art than an external stylist?

    So she took the art, renamed the moves and made a video in some vacation paradise location. At least she gave a nod of credit to "Yang-style TaiChi" (whatever THAT is).

    But that's not even the end of it ... Ms. Monica is also the founder and director of WholyFit and came to those exalted positions through a long journey that was begun when she was "born in the desert" and came to a crossroads of sorts in LA, where the killer smog gave her a long list of physical illnesses. After successfully converting atheists in high school, she had to give up her job as a fitness instructor because of her debilitating chronic asthma, Epstein-Barre, chronic pleurisy and rheumatoid arthritis.

    But even THAT isn't the end of her trials and tribulations ... serious anxiety during childhood and her teen years, overwhelming fear and clinical depression during her illnesses ... but everything got happy and nice because of supernatural intervention.

    This is who is teaching you TaiChi.

    Don't get me wrong - I admire anyone who overcomes adversity. but Ms. Monica is the very model of a modern starry-eyed religious fanatic. Just look at her in this video ...

    One of the testimonials on the site says, in part ...

    Orlly? The DOCTORS told you that the philosophies are not trustworthy?!? :wtf:

    Listen up, dip - it's the philosophies behind Taijiquan that ALLOW it to work! I can't believe these people have usurped such a wonderful martial and healing art and overlaid it with their own Sky King dogma. It cheapens the art, it enrages on-the-edge people like me and it perpetuates a false image of Taijiquan. Why don't you take your teacher's "art" of Chug Sum Dew or whatever it's called and play with THAT instead of ruining something beautiful, something that works just fine without having you force your religion into it?

    *ahem* Excuse me ...

    OK, Ms. Monica is ACSM Certified - what does THAT mean? Here's what you need to get that certification ...
    • 18 years of age or older
    • High School Diploma or equivalent
    • Adult CPR qualification (with practical component)
    • Pass the 2.5 hours exam consisting of 125-150 questions, for which there is a flooded market of exam prep books
    • Pay the exam fee of $279 (pass rate is 71%)
    • And in case you don't pass the first time, $150 retest. Ouch!
    And of course, where there are tests there are workshops ...
    • 1 day workshop $129 (experienced trainers only)
    • 3 day workshop $375 (for the rest of us)
    • Textbooks, Textbooks Textbooks. About $125 if you buy them all.
    But then you're certified, right? Well, yes and no. If you pass the exam you will earn the ACSM personal trainer certification. However, every 3 years you must renew your credential. That takes $30 plus 45 CEC units. That's continuing education classes if you are not familiar with the term.

    So how much is 45 CEC units? It's equivalent to about 7 days worth of workshop attendance. And of course as you can probably guess, ACSM only recognizes their own CEC's for maintaining the ACSM personal trainer certification.

    So if you go down this path, you're looking at around $800 for the certificate and $1,000 or so per year for continuing education.

    Doesn't sound like all of that work and financial investment qualifies one as an expert in exercise physiology, much less give one the UNMITIGATED GALL TO RENAME MOVEMENTS AND DUMB THEM DOWN WHILE DISSING THE DRIVING PHILOSOPHY BEHIND THEM!

    *cough* Pardon ...

    Back to the site ... they go on to tell us -

    ... "Yang Long Series"? o_O

    Oh, and now we're throwing in ASL, huh? Did you know that ASL had its roots in one Charles-Michel de l'Épée who had trained as a Catholic priest but was denied ordination as a result of his refusal to denounce Jansenism, a popular French heresy of the time that was strongly opposed by such factions as the Jesuits?


    *takes a medication break*

    I will say one thing: if I ever decide to go renegade and start my own style, watch out, because what I'm going to name those moves will DEFINITELY be NSFW. :eek:

    While it is pretty much true that traditional Taijiquan has many beneficial qualities for such patients, there are also limits as to what it can do, hence it is NOT for "everyone". I understand this is just marketing-talk but it's medically, ethically, legally and spiritually irresponsible.

    Here's a video of Ms. Monica doing what I guess is supposed to be seated TaiChi ...

    Note the crossed lower legs, locking-out energy flow and disrupting root. But then, they don't NEED that stuff, because they have the Light of Righteousness!

    *more meds*

    So, to sum up ...

    • SlowFlo offers a way to reform the inscrutable pagan art of Taijiquan into a safe and guilt-free form of Christian exercise.
    • The benefits of SlowFlo include limbering of the joints and spinal column, and oxygenation of your whole body, all without challenging your religious and philosophical beliefs.
    • While all other forms of martial arts were created under demonic influence, SlowFlo strengthens and fortifies your body and soul with the real ultimate power of Jesus.
    • You will burn calories in a gentle, relaxing way, while performing simple techniques with reassuring names, like “The Iron Pope”, “Lifting the White Man’s Burden”, and “The Crusades”.
    • SlowFlo raises your metabolism for quicker weight loss and more energy–not the evil qi energy of those Yellow Devils, but wholesome Christian energy.
    • The beautiful movements of Slow Flo are accompanied by scriptural affirmations in All-American Sign Language which was mainly European-based. Say goodbye to the occult influence of Oriental mantras, mudras, and meditation, and welcome the healing power of SlowFlo exclusively into your heart.
    • In Christ all things are possible, except for Oriental Yoga and martial arts: those are the work of the Devil. If you accept Jesus as your master, buy SlowFlo today.
  3. Fin Smith

    Fin Smith Disciple

    Damn, I only know British Sign Language otherwise I could have already been a Master without realising!
    SifuPhil likes this.
  4. Master of Nothing

    Master of Nothing Psychotic Pacifist

    "Drs say that Tai Chi-like exercise is medically proven and trustworthy but the philosophies behind Tai Chi are not."

    Other than the Fact her statement is Bullshit. The little zealot (and Most christians) doesn't understand that the philosophies of the ancients where the only way they could understand Natural Quantum Occurance. In fact most people don't know this either. A full explaination isn't happening on this post. But, if one sits down and has Martial Philosophy in one hand & Quantum Principle in the other. They compliment each other. Unfortunately a few others have figured this out and are running around trying to start new religions and movements.
    TheWhiteTiger and SifuPhil like this.
  5. SifuPhil

    SifuPhil Lucky Cat Is Lucky

    Exactly. The Tao of Physics, Fritjof Capra.
  6. Master of Nothing

    Master of Nothing Psychotic Pacifist

    Never read it. I used to study the original Chen Style. And Icome from a family of nerds.
  7. Element7

    Element7 Grasshoppa

    One look at the cover photo on that DVD tells me those performers know nothing about Tai Chi. And the video link confirms it.
    SifuPhil and Master of Nothing like this.
  8. KeithW

    KeithW "Just keep training..."

    I was never able to understand the Xian disapproval of martial arts and the more spiritual side of studying them. I've had Xians tell me that meditation in martial arts praactice is inviting demons into your body and giving them control over you. My bullshit meter was pinged immediately when I got such criticisms from people who had never stepped foot in a dojo.

    Thanks for the laugh, SifuPhil. Your presentation of this little gem was priceless. :)
    SifuPhil and Master of Nothing like this.
  9. SifuPhil

    SifuPhil Lucky Cat Is Lucky

    Thanks, Keith. (y)

    I hang out on a few religion and spirituality boards and I know how easy it is to ignite passions, so I tried to keep a balance in this article. I'm sure even Master Po could plainly see my affiliations, and I probably could have been a wee bit more positive in my presentation, but sometimes age has its privileges - the ability to be grumpy in public among them. :grumpy:
    Judah likes this.
  10. Judah

    Judah fights in tights

    Man when I first saw this I thought is was like tips for the ladies (and the guys that roll that way). I thought SifuPhil was gonna lay down how to flow qi into a BJ.

    Now I've read it I feel a li'l sick


    Need I say more?

    I don't have a problem with mixing systems but to alter the intrinsic philosophy to make it more Christian just makes no sense. Mind you I often wind up evangelical Christians by telling them I'd sell my soul to the devil to understand Revelations...
    Master of Nothing and SifuPhil like this.
  11. SifuPhil

    SifuPhil Lucky Cat Is Lucky

    Hilarious pic - and very true.

    Flowing qi into a BJ? No, I think you'd see "BANNED" as my custom title if I wrote THAT article - although there's always a chance we could look at Taoist psycho/spiritual/sexual training techniques from a purely scientific point of view. :whistle:

    I'm waiting for FSM-Jitsu - the martial art of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. With all of His Noodly Appendages I'm sure there would be some interesting techniques ... :wideyed:
    Judah likes this.
  12. Judah

    Judah fights in tights

    Yeah I've never been a Norris fan. Only film he was in I liked was "way of the dragon", cos Bruce kills him in the end!
  13. WonderingFist

    WonderingFist Disciple of Mind

    I twitched. I cringed. I laughed a little bit...and then I was filled with excessive levels of bile and disgust.
    Colten Wilson and Judah like this.
  14. Colten Wilson

    Colten Wilson Disciple

    Wow this is a shock to me I never would have imagend the Catholics doing something like this....... NOT this is a classic move by them instead of opening there mind to the way other people live and do things and be accepting of them they go off and Copy it give a new name and call it divine intervention and not to forget the fact of the cost the the whole
    thing but there is no price to great for your soul (cough cough) sifu phil I think I'm coming down with the same thing you had I think it has to do something with my aliergy to bullshit
    SifuPhil likes this.
  15. Judah

    Judah fights in tights

    Is she specifically catholic? I only ask because a lot of people seem to use "catholic" and "Christian" interchangeably but Catholicism is only one branch of Christianity. My sister in law, from Glasgow, didn't realise protestants were actually Christians who worshipped the same god as Catholics.
  16. Midnight_Omni

    Midnight_Omni Initiate

    Lifting the White Man’s Burden? o_O
  17. Caneman

    Caneman Test all things.

    OK, so is the original post to point out that some people of a certain faith took the movements and exercises of a martial art and modified it to their own belief system?
    Be it garbage or not, truly or perceived... I would like to know what martial art exists that has not done this historically.
    E.g. - Krav Maga... is an Israeli art, clearly Hebrew in origin... doubt they "focus chi", but the integration of their movements didn't just pop into existance... they had a base in other systems.

    Again, I am not saying "SLOW flo Joe" isn't garbage. But I find it interesting :( that the stream of discussion has been used to start bashing Christians.
  18. Judah

    Judah fights in tights

    Why do you feel krav maga had to have been based on other systems? I only ask because I've seen many arguments that claim the kicking in savate is Filipino in origin, I even knew a ju jitsu instructor who claimed ju jitsu was the grand father of all martial arts and everything else was derived from it. I can't agree with either claim, the notion that only Asians considered hitting their opponents with kicks is ridiculous to me (the ju jitsu claim is obviously rubbish) especially when you look at the history of boxing, before Jack Broughton wrote the London prize ring rules kicking and grappling was permitted in the boxing ring.
  19. Caneman

    Caneman Test all things.

    Wiki: It was derived from street-fighting skills developed by Hungarian-Israeli martial artist Imi Lichtenfeld, who made use of his training as a boxer and wrestler, as a means of defending the Jewish quarter against fascist groups in Bratislava[2] in the mid-to-late 1930s. In the late-1940s, following his immigration to Israel, he began to provide lessons on combat training to what was to become the IDF, who went on to develop the system that became known as Krav Maga.

    The parenthood of this is listed as:
    The KAPAP system was developed in the late 1930s, within the Jewish Aliyah camps (ma-ḥa-not Olim) as part of preparatory training before their arrival in the British Mandate of Palestine.[citation needed] The Palmach and Haganah used KAPAP as an ongoing combat development program for their recruits.
    It was primarily considered a practical skill set that was acquired during the training period of the Palmach and Haganah fighters. The main focus was to upgrade the physical endurance, elevate and strengthen the spirit, developing a defensive and offensive skill set. It included physical training and endurance, cold weapon practical usage, boxing, judo, jujutsu, karate and knife and stick fighting.
    In the early 1950s the term KAPAP was used interchangeably with the term Krav Maga as elements of the syllabus altered. By the time the 1960s came, the term was used only within certain units who needed more than basic training in Krav Maga such as Unit 216, Sayeret Matkal (Ariel Sharon also served in this unit). Special units required skill sets that suited their function. Units such as non-military police special units like Yamam require more than striking and neutralization in their skillsets. It should also be noted that not all Special Forces fall under the IDF (Israeli Defense Forces). Modern KAPAP has evolved in units such as these and also at Lotar (Israel's school of Anti-Terrorism).
  20. Judah

    Judah fights in tights

    Ah so it's established fact that krav maga is a hybrid martial art. :)
    Thanks for all the info, I suppose I really ought to do a bit of research before asking questions...

    Just realised, you're getting me back for that mountain of info I put up about weights and measures! Lmao! :)
  21. SifuPhil

    SifuPhil Lucky Cat Is Lucky

    She's a Born-Again Christian.

    It seemed to fit in well with the attributes of the other posture names, and certainly fits in with the perception of certain religious sects.


    You're talking about evolution of physical techniques - I'm talking wholesale usurpation of a philosophical, cultural and religious tradition - FOR religious reasons, BY a religious person - and making it their own.

    For profit.

    Big difference, wouldn't you say?

    It isn't about bashing Christians - it's about bashing their actions and pointing out how pointless and humorous the whole thing is.

    Personal perceptions of truth will always enrage some and satisfy others ... I don't write to make friends, I write to express MY viewpoints.
    Master of Nothing and Judah like this.

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